Mya and I are sitting lying across the bleachers. It’s time to go home, this we know, it’s just so hard to move. All the lactic acid is beginning to build, making it that much harder to move my legs. There comes a time when you just gotta make moves. Begrudgingly we got our asses up and started on what turned out to be the longest got damn hike in the world. OK well maybe not the longest hike in the world. But that’s what that shit felt like. I have had the chance to hike the mountains of Peru, and that shit was an amazing experience. I’m not gonna lie it hurt like fuck and the only reason I had to keep going was because, well how the fuck was I gonna find my way back. I can’t navigate the streets of Baltimore with Waze on my dash. So I knew if I could do Peru I could do the parking of the Las Vegas Speedway. Yes I just partied for 10+ hours straight and yes my legs hated me, but I also wanted a bed and that was motivation enough.
The sun was fully risen at this point and 7am in Vegas was no 7am in Maryland. It was hotter than a monkey balls out that bitch. Leaving the facility they were handing out free bottle of water, clutch. Definitely took one of those. We asked the water guy how to get to the Lyft lot. He started to speak and my mind totally shut off. He said some bullshit like “you have to go to the Green lot so, turn right then go down the hill make 2 lefts and zig zag to the right, up over the hill and around the corner, go straight, straight, straight and then another left…” hold up dawg WTMF… This damn hike was already sounding like it was for the birds, and I guess I was apart of that flock that day. We started walking and the first thing we passed was the premiere parking lot. My fucking salty ass was looking at that premier lot like, why the hell did we think we needed the extra hour, but then I thought back and was like, duh it was EDC.
Yes, we could have caught a ride with the squad and departed from the premier lot, but it was worth staying to the very end so now we just gottasuck it up and hike the desert to the got damn Green lot. The event organizers had built fence barricades to keep the foot traffic walking only in one designated pathway. Meaning you couldn’t cut through the different lots to get from Gate D to the Green lot. Nope you had to follow the rat maze they designed to keep the crowd organized. We just kept passing parking lot after parking lot and sign after got damn sign that just kept saying This Way to the Green lot. We watched as golf carts transported people to their destinations and I’m like how the hell do I get that privilege? I half way contemplated jumping on the back of one… but I’m sure my legs wouldn’t carry me fast enough to catch a cart.
We finally made it to the Green Lot. A random driver approached us and offered to drive us immediately out of the speedway for $50 a head. He claimed that he would be the fasted way out and that his offer was fair. I thought that shit sounded ludicrous and said hell to the naw. Hind sight 20/20, we should’ve taken the offer. We reached the area that was a designated Uber pick up. At least that’s what the signs indicated and that’s what the staff reiterated. There were fifty ‘leven hunned people up in that line. I wasn’t using Uber today. The reception was reliable at this point and I was able to get onto the Lyft app. I asked the staff member where the Lyft pick up was and this heffa pointed all the way down the hill and through some more rat maze. It was still apart of the Green lot, but I guess Uber paid to have a designated area that was closer than the general Share ride lot. Ugh, now I was really annoyed. Nonetheless, we strolled on down to the very last section of the Green lot. There were buses all over, but I didn’t see any passenger vehicles.
I ordered the Lyft using the app and the driver calls to ask where we were. I told him the Green lot with the buses. He’s told me he was in the Uber lot. I told him that he needed to pick us up where the buses were, because that was the share ride lot and he was sitting in the Uber only lot. He said that he was instructed to drive to this area. I said I was instructed to walk to this area. He said we can walk to him and he would wait. Bitch! Do you really think you are doing me a favor. I was so tired of fucking walking and I was pissed that we were not in the correct location. I was about to kill somebody. At this point, the fucking sun was on full blast, I was hot as shit, and my pleather felt like it was melting. I had finished off my free bottle of water and I was coming way down from being lifted. The cranky bitch in me was coming out, I never really gotten to eat and now Luis, the Lyft driver had us walking again. Trekking back through the rat maze, we made it back to the Uber lot, passed through the fifty ‘leven hunned people and found the Lyft driver. Hopping into that car was such a relief. The air condition hit me like ninja that gives great head. It was great four play as sunk back into the leather seats, it was leading up to the orgasm aka sleeping in a bed.
Inside the share ride there were already 2 passengers waiting. Passenger #1 a young asian/pacific Islander female, cute, real quiet she sat in the front seat and passenger #2 a young asian/pacific Islander male tall, thin and lanky wearing big black circle rimmed glasses. We reached the first stop and this is when shit went south. See, I was under the impression the 2 passengers were together. During the ride, I could have sworn I heard them speaking to each other in a common language. In addition, they were both of Asian decent. In conclusion, speaking in the same language and both being Asian equated to knowing each other, in my ignorant ass mind. Shit, at that point, Mya could have been with them too… lol. I didn’t give af, I just wanted to get back to the room.
This is how the conversation between the 2 passenger went in my head, Passenger 1 says to the boy: “Hey my very best friend in the whole wide world, we’re at our stop. You can get up now, let’s go and let these lovely people get back to their room so they can sleep” and the boy would respond “yes my friend, we are at our destination, I will get out and we shall be on our merry way.” The car would pull off and Me an Mya would be headed to our destination.
Wrong! That was not the MF conversation. The boy climbed into the front and Luis started taking verbal directions from the boy. Luis did not put the boy’s address into his GPS. No, the boy had pulled up the route on his phone and was telling Luis when to turn. So then I thought, ok the boy and girl could still possibly know each other. Maybe the boy’s room is located further down the street within the same complex. Maybe the girl was staying in building A and he was staying in building Z… Wrong! I was being too optimistic y’all. We began heading for the highway. Then we started making turns that Luis’ phone did not agree with. The GPS began barking out angry directions, “make a U-turn at the next turn” “Re-routing” “Turn Left at… Make the next Left… Turrr– Re-routing.”
Luis, where are we going Luis… So what you’re saying Luis is that you have our address in the GPS Luis, but you are follow this boy’s directions… Luis, your fucking phone sure is re-routing hard as shit Luis!
Even Mya woke up as if she was psychic. This bish literally popped straight up and all she said was “Where the fuck are we going?” Before that moment, I thought her ass was sleep! I sat watching from the back seat, subdued by fatigue. In my catatonic state, all I could do was watch the boy’s phone navigate the streets of Las Vegas. Then came a right hand turn that the boy did not tell Luis to take. I watch as the little blue dot on the boy’s map floated passed the blue line indicating a right turn was supposed to be made… Now both the boy and Luis’ phones are re-routing. WTF!
Again out of nowhere, Mya interjects “So if he doesn’t know where the fuck he’s going, you can you drop us off first?” I looked over and was like damnnnnn, get ’em Mya. I had never seen her get fiasty like that. She earned mad points that day. Usually, I’m the fire spark, and people are holding me at bay, but that day I was the docile one. Meanwhile, Mya’s ass was becoming savage in the back seat. Sleepy and angry, You Slangry Mya. The poor boy’s hands were shaking, I thought his ass was about to cry, he was probably lost but since he took us 30 minutes out our place way there was no fucks to be given this day….
Anyway, Luis got us to our destination at the firm request of Mya. While climbing out, I then heard the Luis ask the boy for his address so he could put it in his phone. Just remember that it’s very important to this story. We get to the room, Mya takes a shower, I pack my bags and get everything together. I’m too tired for shower so I opted to take my shower after we sleep. I hit that fucking bed so hard. I attempted to text Chi-town good morning/good night and fell asleep in the middle of it.
The first time I woke, it was 11:35 am, I heard the annoying iPhone alarm chirping its obnoxious ass song for what seemed like forever, I roll over to Mya, “Something is making noise make it stop” and she did. The next time I woke up it felt like only 5 minutes had passed, but it was the 12:15 alarm. We had agreed to get to the airport by 12:30, Wrong! I finally rolled out of bed, climbed into the shower while Mya packed her shit. We make it down to the lobby and I go to order the next Lyft. That’s when my morning transaction glows on the screen, $116. Those iPhone alarms ringing in my head had no affect, but that fucking bill woke my ass wide the fuck up. The receipt said that we drove 42 miles at 350% surcharge. 42 miles, bitch where? Oh my bad, they did give me a 10% discount though…
So now we’re pissed. Not only was that the worse Lyft ride ever, but he never put in homeboy’s addy so passenger #2 was riding on my fucking dime. Fuck you little ninja, fuck you. When did a google map search and from the speedway to our hotel was only 27 miles, so I wanna know where the fuck did 42 miles come from. My little thumbs got to typing up a complaint so freaking fast. I was hitting send as our next Lyft driver pulled up. I knew something was shiasty with that ride share, when passenger #2 was giving directions verbally from his phone and Luis’ phone kept redirecting.
We get to the airport and jumped into the skywalk check in, these are the outdoor kiosk, right at drop off perfect for passengers who already have their tickets and already checked into the flight. Check✅ and Check✅. The line was short and we were in a rush. When I packed my bag I made sure my luggage was under 50 pounds, especially since I was 0 for 2 in that department. It was our turn as we approached the attendant that called out “Next!” The line moved so quickly I didn’t have time to reach for my ID so at the counter I spend the cat pack. Now the MF cat pack is only but so big.
I went for my ID in my cat back pack. MF FeFe, “I can’t find my wallet.” The got damned Cat bag is not that big. It doesn’t even have pockets. At that point I’m pretty sure my damn wallet is not in there. Mya calls her friend back at the resort, who hadn’t checked out yet and lo and behold I left my damn wallet on the kitchen counter top. Who da fuq does that. Who takes their wallet out before a flight and sits it on the countertop. FeFe, you fucking up. All weekend hella fuck ups. I have no ID what possessed me to pull out my wallet, I can only blame exhaustion. The southwest agent just kept saying “you can fly without your ID.” I kept questioning that fact while trying to devise a plan to get a new flight and retrieve my wallet and return to the airport. But the agent would just repeat “you don’t need your ID to fly.”
I finally gave him my trust and accepted my 2:30pm departing ticket. Mind you it’s well past 1pm. We check our bags and rushed to security where of course they ask for your boarding pass and ID. I told them I had lost it and the woman frustratingly declared “I hate EDC, you’re like my 8th one today.” I looked at her with wide eyes and was like “well damn, I don’t feel that bad anymore, I ain’t the only dumbass out this bitch.” I sent Mya ahead to make sure she didn’t miss her flight while I stayed behind to do the extra security process for non-identified flyers. As the TSA agent was making the call to the background check center, a 9th passenger needed to be vetted. I don’t know what his agent said to him, but yells over to me, “what am I apart of the club or something,” I responded back “yup and I just became a member, welcome sir.”
After I passed my background test, I was escorted by another TSA agent on a one on one basis through the body scanner. I guess they have to make sure that at no point I try to sneak a bomb through… Next, they went through all my belongings, swiping each item to test for explosives residue. Fifteen to 20 minutes later I was finally through security. I completed the check with 30 minutes to spare 🙌🏾. I was on my way to the terminal to depart.
Once at the terminal, I was chatting it up this guy. He had over heard me telling my snap story about my lost wallet (see above video). He asked me if I’d rather lose my wallet or my phone. I said that I can’t live without my phone. He agreed and said that he wouldn’t know anyone’s number in a bind because his phone is his brain. I’m sure most people could relate, I can. We contemplated on how it was fucked up that we only knew our exes number not even our own momma’s. He said even if he knew his momma’s phone number she wouldn’t be able to help because she’s too damn old and don’t even know how to answer a cell phone.
He was getting started in telling me this story of how this one time he went to visit a FWB in another state. He and the guy had gone out for the day. Since his friend had a phone he kept his phone at the house… “Aye Fe, I think they just called our name overhead. It said last call for boarding.” I quickly grabbed my shit and told the guy I had to go, but to give me the short version. He quickly said that he and the FWB ended up arguing and went their separate ways he ended up falling, and broke his arm and didn’t have a phone to call for help. Someone stopped to help him and he was admitted into the hospital. He ended up staying with the FWB for several weeks before he could return home… Damn homie. But I didn’t have time to take it all in. WTF, man we were so about to miss our flight and we were sitting right there at the terminal MF terminal. Now that really would Bmore Shit especially after making it that far.
We made it back to Baltimore, hungry AF so a necessary pit stop was made at the RoFo. In our area, the Royal Farms, has the best late night chicken, that shit is banging. Everyone hits up the RoFo after hours, only after drinking. I picked up my car from Mya’s house and drove home… I arrived safely and Guess what?! I HAD TO MAKE UP MY MF BED FIRST! Should’ve did that shit before I left 🤣.
Post Notes: Y’all this weekend tried to kill me. Once I got back, I slept for 2 days straight. I couldn’t fucking move. Luckily, I wasn’t scheduled to work until Saturday. My throat was on fire, I couldn’t swallow so there was no more eating. That RoFo chicken was my last meal… By Tuesday one of my eyes were crusted shut. I was in denial. I’m a nurse, I knew what the fuck was going on, but I was calling it allergies until Wednesday when both eyes were crusted and swollen. I dragged my ass to the Patient First ⏸
Here’s my lesson of the day y’all. DO NOT GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM FOR NO BULLS SHIT ASS CHIEF COMPLAINTS! We are tired of seeing bullshit come into the ER such as flu-like symptoms, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea, allergies, pink eye, being too drunk or too high to function and so forth. Bitches, the emergency room is for EMERGENCIES. If your ass ain’t fucking impaled, don’t come to the ER, if your ass isn’t having a massive heart attack, don’t come to the ER. If your ass ain’t slurring your speech because of a stroke don’t fucking come to the ER. Stop being pussy ass bitches and handle a fucking cold like a champ. Bitch it’s a fucking cold your ass ain’t fucking dying. Only children under 2, the elderly over 65, those with a weakened immune systems or those with comorbidities are the only people who need to come to the ER for a got damn cold. Save yourself some time and money, and go to an urgent care or your primary care provider. Cause guess what bitches… if you go to the ER, don’t be mad when your ass is sitting in the nasty ass waiting room for 10 hours just to get a prescription for Tylenol and Robitussin. ▶️
Definition Alert: Comorbidity- the simultaneous presence of two chronic diseases or conditions in a patient for example COPD with Heart Failure or Asthma with Sickle Cell.
I was diagnosed with Bronchitis and fucking pink eye. Who da fuck gave me pink eye dawg?? I can’t even lie, pink eye is some real shit it had my whole life fucked up. Along with the bronchitis, I couldn’t get out of bed. Thursday night my Ex lost my dog Brook. I really would have died if she wasn’t found. On my sick-bed I had to get up and search the neighborhood for my baby. I was so grateful that Brook was returned home safe and sound. It wasn’t until Friday, when I woke up funky, in a bed full of Ricola wrappers and used tissues, that I could actually function. I hadn’t showered in few days so getting up and washing away the illness felt fucking fantastic.
I really wanted to go to Above&Beyond that Friday, because they came highly recommended. Just because I was feeling better, doesn’t mean I was well enough. So I behaved and stayed low key. I stayed up and watched my jail-broken FireStick all night long. Saturday night came and I had to work. I spoke to Ameerah, who was able to go to A&B and that heffa got to push the button. This was her SECOND TIME!! For those of you new to EDM, A&B brings a loyal fan to the stage to press the button that will make the beat drop. Ameerah has done it twice in her lifetime. She loves herself some Above&Beyond. That girl was in line at EchoStage at 8pm, the venue doesn’t opens until 9pm. That girl cray. While I was at work, Mya was seeing Adventure Club in Baltimore. Everyone was raving that weekend except for me. Honestly, my illness didn’t even have me bothered by the fact that I missed out this weekend. I just couldn’t. Plus, I knew I was going to DJ mustard the upcoming Friday!!!
Also, Lyft refunded my money! I sent them proof that our route should have only consisted of 27 miles. They only charged us the regular rate and at the 27 miles and also deducted the 350% surcharge… That was more than what I was requesting. I understood the surcharge, but I did not agree with the milage. MF Luis was taking us on a fucking tour around Vegas… I do apprecieate the customer service and will be continuing using the Lyft app!! 💋 FeFeline
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