I was crying on the twitter about this one. Mya really wanted me to go, but my ass was and still is poor. But what ravebae wants ravebae gets and I put in a few days of overtime and charged this shit to the game and we went.
Who: Rave Fam
What: 4 day Music Festival
When: August 4 – 7, 2017
Where: Grant Park; Chicago, IL
DJs: Unlike Pluto, Migos, A-Trak, Baauer, Lorde, San Holo, Ookay, Slushi, Grammatik, DJ Snake, Ephword, Nghtmre, Alison Wonderland, Kaskade, Slander, 6lack, Borgore, DVBBS, Zeds Dead
Like I said, I really didn’t have the money for this shit. Looking back, I’m glad I went cause I’m not really hurting like I thought I was. Now, I do roll with a pretty fucking awesome crew cause some of the stuff they spotted me on. For example Strict Daddy, that’s what I call the leader of our little rave family. He keeps everyone on their toes. If we were running late, Strict Daddy is checking us. If we get lost or separated, Strict Daddy to the rescue. If we are supposed to meet up da da daaa da!!Strict Daddy to the rescue. I love Strict Daddy, SD for short.
I also was able to save money on my ticket. The tickets were sold out. So I was looking on Ticket Master and Stub Hub. I don’t remember which was the official resale site, but what I do remember for the $60 in taxes and fees. Fuck you mean?? First of all, I don’t even know why they still charging fees, you essentially charging me to service myself. I search the tickets, I compare the tickets, I put in my own credit card, the only thing yall fuckers do is maintenance the site that I purchase the tickets. Shit, I even pay for shipping and handling so really don’t understand the service fee. But to some miracle, my rave sister from the rave family Sky discovered this app called Tickpick “where smart fans purchase and sell their tickets.” I agree that joint saved me a good $70 dollars. Not only were the tickets cheaper, I flew Southwest and carried on 2 big suitcases.
Definition Alert- Joint aka Jawn: Basically it means a thing or a place, anything depending on context. Also, where you stay, will determine how you annunciate the word. I notice DC will say jawn where as Baltimore says joint. Now in Baltimore, an object is the extent of the definition including a rolled up “white boy” or weed wrapped in white paper. Where as in DC jawn is extended to your female companion (whatever level yall fucking on fwb, bae, gf, wifey, side piece, one nighter etc she a jawn), or a good looking woman.
Not only were the tickets cheaper, I flew Southwest and carried on 2 big suitcases. The second suitcase was for my bed. I was a last minute addition so I took the floor. I packed my very cozy sleeping bag, that I bought for my Peru trip, a yoga mat (which does absolutely shit when it comes to sleeping on the hard ground… get yourself a camping air mattress that made the difference on that hard floor. Mack, after the head count, was able to get a bed, so that left me on the floor alone, but at least I got to use his air mattress or I would have been miserable the entire weekend on that hard AF floor, especially after every night my body was sore from the lactic acid buildup. But that’s how you save money, two rooms 10 people.
While we’re speaking on the hotel let me talk about this ratchet ass American Horror Story piece of shit of a hotel, the Essex Inn. That was not a pleasurable stay at all. Now, I’ve stayed at places that have run the gamut:
From shitty, like when I went to Cedar Point amusement park in Ohio I stayed at this Rodeway Inn. Omg, it was like Chilligan’s Island from the tv show Martin. I thought I was gonna come out with scabies. Behind the motel, there was a homeless community living in tents and I think they had better living conditions than me…
To middle class 5 star. We all know there’s a difference from the common folk fancy vs the rich and famous fancy. I ain’t even gonna play myself. I haven’t had it that nice but I’m working on it.
Anyways, the Essex Inn was closer on the spectrum of Chilligan’s Island. Now they will fool the hell out of you because the lobby and other common areas were remodeled, but once you get to the room it’s like oh hell naw. (See the link above for the trip advisor pics, they are pretty accurate). The carpet was old, it smelled musty, the bathroom sink was tiny as fuck, the bathtub was clogged so when you showered your ankles had that ring of dirt around it. When we called it took maintenance 3 requests and a day to “fix” it; which it was never really completely unclogged. Now, they can’t control the fact that the lot next door had construction outside my window every morning bright and early at 8 am or the fact the train rode by loudly on its tracks at all hours, but hey it was a problem so it’s gonna get mentioned or the list. And I am fair with my reviews so I will mention the MF vanity lights, they were fucking awesome. I had no issues applying my makeup in that mirror under those lights, the one thing the Essex had going for them…
But I’m not done. The FUCKING MANAGEMENT fucking was turrible. Where is Charles at???
Day one I arrive early and we couldn’t check in until 4 pm. So the bell hop took my bags and said I could change in the restroom. When I got there, 3 other girls were occupying the space and it was hotter as sweaty balls up in that bitch. I mean NO circulation NO air flow. I can’t. I need to be able to breathe. So I prop the door open using a small side table from the nearby sitting area. Immediately, everyone felt the cool breeze and they all thanked me.
Since they were on their finishing touches I decided to wait until the girls were finished before I got started changing. I watch as a white lady is a pink conservative dress walk by as she stares at us. Now you may be asking why her race matters. Oh because it does, I’m getting to it. Then she walks by the second time and this time stops and says “can you all shut the door, people from their rooms are walking by and they can see inside the bathroom.” Mind you, this is just some random white lady in a dress, therefore, my response to her was “well it’s really hot in here and none of the girls mind the door being open. If someone comes in and they don’t feel comfortable I will gladly shut the door.” Of course, the words were nice, but it had hella attitude behind it because bitch needs to go back to her room and mind her fucking business. She turns and leaves. Five minutes later a black lady with a name badge comes to the door and says “I am going to shut this door we can’t have this open, you all can get dressed but the door has to be shut.” I see that she is an employee so I tell her how hot the bathroom is and she didn’t care.
Five minutes later a black lady with a name badge comes to the door and says “I am going to shut this door we can’t have this open, y’all can get dressed but the door has to be shut.” I see that she is an employee so I tell her how hot the bathroom is and she didn’t care. So I say to her “let me guess, that heffa came running to you about the bathroom door being open” and she asks me “what heffa?” I clarify by describing a white lady in a pink dress. She says “well that is the general manager and this is her hotel. Is that who you’re referring to?” So I say “well I guess if she’s in the pink dress and came running to you that would be the
Now, I know I have an attitude problem and I ain’t never scared, so I politely and sarcastically respond with “well if she’s in the pink dress and came running to you then that would be the heffa I’m referring to.” Well y’all, she didn’t like that fucking response and there bloomed the beginning of our beautiful relationship… She told me to refrain from using that language or I’ll be removed. I was thinking;
bitch, heffa is not a curse word I could’ve called her ass a bitch, so I’m not sure what language you’re speaking of.
But I didn’t say it out loud because I had places to be and my people needed a place to rest their head. Instead, I posed the question “if that’s the general manager and this is her hotel, why did she feel the need to come get you?” Her answer to me was she was the hotel manager.
Instead, I posed the question “If that’s the general manager and this is her hotel, why did she feel the need to come get you?” as I pointed my skinny little ET fingers in her face. Her explanation to me was that she was the hotel manager. Ok, bish… on what planet does that make any sense. If Pink Dress is the general manager that means she at the top of the totem… wtf! Pink Dress couldn’t handle the issue while she was standing there. First of all, Pink Dress aka The Heffa ain’t introduce herself in the proper manner, that’s why her name is heffa aka pink dress in this story and matter of fact neither did the hotel manager, therefore I never had the pleasure of know who the fuck I was speaking to. Had the heffa been wearing a badge or came to me correctly and told me she was an employee of the hotel then maybe I would have taken her request to close the door with more consideration. Instead, she came off as a nosy ass patron so I was not gonna shut the door so I could die in that stank ass bathroom before making it to the festival.
So me and Token black manager got off on the wrong foot. Don’t send your token blackie to come handle the black bitch in the bathroom. Don’t come play these games with me hoe. I read cards and situations of manipulation every fucking day. Shit, I work in a Baltimore ER bitch. I know what the fucking deal was… but I conceded bc sometimes you need to take the L and my ass was there for one reason, to shake my ass and get my life. Not protest a dumb black bitch, running around being some white bitch’s lackey. So I got dressed and met Sky and Mac, the first of our family to arrive, at the festival.
Definition Alert- Token Blackie: In this socially unjust world, often times corporate America is run by, well White people. They generally hold the positions of power whereas many black folks feel they have a glass ceiling. Every so often a black person will become middle management. In this case the Hotel Manager. They are usually selected because of the location of the place of business. If your customers are majority black the store manager will be black, but… all the unseen higher ups will still be white. In this instance the General manager. Basically, the white folk sends their “one good darkie” to do their work.
Oh, but me, Ms. Token and The Heffa got more to come so just hold on.
Location and Amenities
Lollapalooza was held at Grant Park, Chicago IL. The main entrance that we used was located across a pedestrian bridge that opened to its massive fountain. Around the border of the fountain, which served as the center of the festival, where all the vendors selling apparel, including the official Lollapalooza store.
From the fountain it was a four-way intersection, if we turned right you would be going to the EDM main stage and if you turned left it was the general main stage. Along both routes were 7 smaller stages, a children’s stage somewhere (never dared to look for that shit) and the food/alcohol vendors. The festival route spanned several city blocks so expect to walk your little ass off, I averaged 20,000 steps that weekend.
There were hydration stations to fill your camel packs or you could just be cooled by mist and giant fans. They also parked city buses along different routes They had flushing porta potties and urinals for the men. Now that was impressive. I hate porta-potties and it helped with the lines having the urinals for the men. Even though them fuckers were still coming to the toilets. So by the last day, I said fuck it and used the got damn urinals.
It was tricky but I was successful. One guy was mad and huffed then walked away. Whatever bitch I had 2 pee and just cause I don’t have a penis don’t mean I can’t use the urinal. Don’t nobody wanna look at your tiny ding-a-ling anyway… Why are people so pressed about the bathroom. Trump taking away the rights of transgender people using the restroom they identify with. Shit, I use the men’s bathrooms ALL THE TIME especially when the women’s are full. Fuck that, I’m not standing in that long ass line. The other guys were thoroughly impressed with my skill set 💁🏾
The food and drink were, of course, expensive, but the cost didn’t feel like break the bank prices. We got an Icee and chicken tenders for $12; a carafe of wine for $22; cans of water, yes cans were $2 a piece. What I was most sad about, was the collector pins they sold out… I waited too long to buy one and I still can’t find them online.
Weather Day one, that shit sucked. It was sunny until about 4 pm. I pretty sure of this, because we went to freshen up and change clothes since we could finally check into the hotel. Oh, and while we are speaking of checking in, let’s talk about my next encounter with The Heffa. We are standing in the long line of so many other people from the festival. The hotel was in an awesome location, literally across the street and 3 blocks from the entrance of the festival. With Lollapalooza offering 3-time re-entry, we could make several trips back and forth from the hotel. That was one of the great perks the festival offered! So we are in line and I’m wearing my friend’s underwear line, Endowed, as shorts a long sheer top unbuttoned, and a racer back push-up bra and The Heffa comes up to me and requests that I button my top. I looked at this bitch like she was crazy, and I was about to come out my mouth wrong, but I remembered, I was there for one reason, to shake my ass.
Endorsement Alert: My really good friend @endowedwithpurpose started an underwear line for men @endowwear. He did it to provide the fellas with all day breathable support… He’s a PA and would be assisting in surgery for hours and you can’t be having your balls stick to the side of your legs while sterile, if it happens then yo’ balls are gonna stay on the side of your leg… Well, I saw them and decided they’d make great rave shorts and they did!! These #EndowWear are so freaking comfortable and cute that I made them part of my outfit all weekend for Lollapalooza. Fellas you gotta try these I bet after you do you’ll love them too. His hashtags are #StayEndowed #TheSuperiorFit check them out.
So as I button ONE button, cause I’m not going out like that she wasn’t specific enough in her request, I politely informed her that she was getting on my damn nerves and Imma need for to get out my face and not harass me for the rest of this weekend. After I tell her that I then began my “passive aggressive, I need to be committed to a psych ward, talk to myself like I’m schizophrenic” rant; essentially I start talking to myself and say all the things that I want to say to the person, but instead I say it to myself, in third person that way they can’t say I was talking to them, but of course it’s loud enough that they can hear it…
“So FeFe, this lady is really gonna tell you to button up your shirt. Even though all theses girls in hear are stressed real scandalous. This chic over here damn near wearing a slip up to her coochie line but I gotta button my shirt. That is ok Fe, we just gonna button up our shirt. But Imma need for this lady not to get on my nerves this weekend or we gonna have problems. Why do people keeping coming for us? They know we tryna do better, but I can’t change my attitude if people keep testing me. It’s alright girl, we just gonna chill. We gonna go up to this room, take a shower and start fresh.”
I turn and she was still standing there like she needed to respond, but my face told her otherwise. Here’s the outfit in question
Bish, I am a paying guest, I’m not a hooker soliciting, don’t try and flex on me, especially when there are other girls in here showing ass cheeks and all my parts are covered. I guess Token Blackie was on break because she didn’t run to go get her and I must add, she still didn’t introduce herself as management, so again she could have been confused for a nosey ass patron. She needs to learn how to be a manager before trying to manage. When I walk into my patient’s room, the first thing I do is introduce myself, so the patient is not wondering who this random ass chick is walking into their room. Same thing Heffa, introduce yourself otherwise you are just a random to me.
Back to my weather report; Later that evening it began to pour down raining. Torrential storm out that joint. Luckily, we had seen most of Lorde and decided to leave before the crowd. We still were soaked. The ironic thing, SD had told the group to bring a poncho, and I did except I forgot to pack it in my day pack so I didn’t have it with. Technically, they had to cancel the rest of the show, but at that point, the show was done, so no loss was taken. Friday there were some clouds and light drizzle and kind chilly because of the wind. That was the only day I wore pants and even still by midday we had made a trip back to the room for a wardrobe change and I put on a skirt. Saturday and Sunday there were off and on clouds, but otherwise beautiful days. Sunday was probably hottest and the most humid and it wasn’t even that bad. I can’t even complain about the weather, for the most part, it was comfortable.
The Lineup & Vibe The lineup was awesome. This was the first festival that 1) I attended all the days and 2) included a mix of EDM DJs and other genres. I had no expectations. I did, however, think I was going to be dressed like I was at EDC. I was told this was more of a Coachella style of dress. I had to look that up. Unfortunately, I do not dress like those girls and I was not going shopping for clothes I would never wear. So I did what I do best, and said fuck the “rules” and did a water down version of my EDC style mixed with a little Coachella and my Echostage style. That means, sheer bodysuits or lace crop tops with a brightly colored bra, booty shorts or mini skirts, and my blown out afro. Of course, I had my cat pack and mask…
I was content with the style at Lolla, even though some bia felt the need to tell me my thong was showing (outfit in picture 1) and that I needed to pull up my shorts. No bitch, what you need to do is mind ya business. If you don’t like my thong showing at a music festival then close your MF eyes hoe or go home, but don’t ever in your life tell me what to do with mine.
The vibe was kinda stank throughout this festival, like with that chick’s need to express her unwanted opinion or the lack of the EDM spirit, people did not want to trade their kandies. I gladly gave mine away even though I wasn’t gonna get one back. I think because this festival was not all EDM, you caught the mood of the “other people.” Although it was an odd vibe, overall it was still very loving… at the EDM stage!
I met a girl who I wrote a letter to and sent her a specially made KandyGem, I danced with a girl who I am still messaging on IG, I took hella pics with PLUfRiends all day long, jumped and mosh pit and when I almost died the guys protected me and picked me up and I found some hippie flower children that had a little Trump hands and patted down my sweaty face. With this in mind, I stayed at the EDM stage 80% of the time with my peoples. Outside of Lorde and 6lack I did not leave the EDM stage. I even had planned to see Big Sean but the EDM music held me hostage and I love Big Sean. See what you’ve done to me EDM.
Just to be petty, I’m gonna through this back in, cause I’m not done y’all. I’ll tell you one place my MF PLUR was not. The ESSEX INN. Every night I returned to the building, Ms. Token was eyeballing the shit out of me. So I would eyeball the shit out her right back. Not only that but I felt like I was in a college dorm. We had to wear red wrist bands the entire weekend. So you couldn’t have guest in the MF room that you fucking paid for. They had security walking and up and down the halls telling people they had to turn the music down. Someone was making a private call in the hall and security told not asked them to go back into their room. And to top it off this one security guard sat down next to me while we waited for the uber in the lobby. He asked me about the incident from day one. I told him the story and this MF suggested that I consider apologizing to Token. Bitch naw. I’m a grown ass, over 25 bitch. I’m not one of these little 18yo girls. I may look 18 but you got me twisted. Don’t roll up on me telling me what I need to do like you my daddy. My daddy don’t even tell me what to do. The Ninja I’m fucking and I call daddy don’t tell me what to do. The MF that signs my paycheck every other Friday barely can tell me what to do. My paying for this shitty ass room in this shorty ass hotel is paying your salary so ZMF you definitely ain’t telling me what to do. get the fuck outta here my ninja. I can’t.
Imma ends it with that before I get even more hype. Until next time! 😽🍭💎